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heart at half mast 8:46 am eastern daylight time lives change forever events before unimaginable now etched on the cave wall of my mind there are people running in the streets chased by dust and debris smoke follows like a demon on fire 9:03 am eastern daylight time another this time proof of intent the cave wall of my mind shatters shock fear disgust anger rage hatred revenge if i leave now i could be there in seven hours starting to question why why my home town do they hate us that much i mean that much twenty minutes to the airport stop over in toronto mostly numb now eyes on the monitor same image over and over and over and over and over airports are closed jump in the car? drive? three days straight thru i need to do something besides sit here and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry i phone home is every one ok do we know anyone who... i know you used to work there sit on the plaza eat lunch people watch what the fuck? the knot in my gut seems to grow with each new piece of information each new devastating scene of destruction i am taking this personally this is my home town these are my people my streets my history cnn... i watch dancing in the streets dancing in joyful celebration at the horrible deaths death by burning death by jumping from the 100th floor crushing death stone and steel dancing? joyfully? i was born in new york and couldn’t wait to leave that city when i was younger now all i want all i can think is to go home help clean up the mess pick up a gun kill someone my heart is at half mast not only for what was done in new york city not only for what was done in washington dc not only for what was done in pennsylvania but for what was done in me for what i want to do for the fear and hatred i now carry that refuses to leave me that my soul cannot command to calmness for the spirit that was killed for this new demon i have become